An open letter to my unborn child

Dear you, At this moment it is the 5th of January, 2017. As of 1 hour ago I am 13 weeks pregnant with you. You are the size of a jalepeno, a large macaroon, or a clownfish, take your pick. It is 1:00 AM. Yesterday was ROUGH. I woke up feeling sad. At first I wasn't sure why. I convinced myself it was because of the weather, or maybe I was just feeling hormonal. Up to this point, as your father will confirm, I HAVE had a tendency to over react, randomly cry over videos of puppies, yell at him because the dog upstairs is snoring to loud and that's somehow his fault.(It's not, of course.).. Anyway, I'm rambling, back to the point. It wasn't till around 4:00 PM that I realized why I was actually sad. I was in the middle of puking my guts out. (Thanks for that (; ) It suddenly hit me. I'm sad because I realized that you are going to have to deal with a LOT of stuff. Now, I don't mean to freak you out, cause it's all stuff you are fully capable of handling, and your father and I are going to be there for you every step of the way. But, life is hard. My first wish for you, is that you enjoy the years you have to be young and foolish while you have them. Don't be in a hurry to grow up. I know how it is. As you get older you realize how hard it is to have parents, teachers, and even some friends. tell you what you can and can't do. You'll want to kick and scream and tell them that you are big enough to make your own choices and that you can't wait until you are an adult and have nobody to answer to. If only you knew.. I'll probably say that phrase to you over and over again in your lifetime. But I want you to know that it's only because when you grow up, and you get to be my age, you'll look back and you will kick and scream and tell yourself that you should have enjoyed it while you could. Now, my second wish. growing up is seriously ROUGH. I sincerely hope that life will be easy for you, but, most likely, there will be times that you will think that whatever you are going through will be the hardest thing to ever happen to you and it will feel like the end of the world. It won't be. Once you get through said "tough thing", you'll suddenly realize how small it actually was. That being said, DON'T GIVE UP. I can personally tell you that there have been times where I have come to the end of my rope. I have felt that end of the world feeling. I know what it's like to lay on the floor, feeling like nothing will ever make this better. The feeling of wanting to give up, it's scary. But, fight it. Cry it out, that's fine. Take the night, soak in all the feelings, but no matter what happens, Pick yourself up off the floor, and keep going. My third wish for you, is this, make as MANY friends as you possibly can. But also as you get older, remember this, Quality over Quantity. It is far better to have a couple of genuine friends, than to have many fake friends. Real friends will treat you with respect. When they have an issue with you, they will work it out with YOU. Fake friends have a tendency to pretend everything is fine, but tell everyone else that it isn't. Real friends are there for you not just when you are at your best, but they will also be there at your worst. Fake friends will abandon ship at the first sign of trouble, and randomly appear when things are good again. It is SO hard, to identify who is real and who is fake. Unfortunately, it takes quite a bit of trial and error. It will hurt like hell. You will have people come into your life who you think are there for the long haul, and suddenly, they will be out of your life completely. That being said, don't just cut people out of your life without giving them a couple chances to redeem themselves. Some real friends do fake friend things in a moment of weakness, be sure to forgive those friends. I'm sure this is all very confusing, and I wish I could give you the answer to everything, but unfortunately, when it comes to human beings, every one is different, and there's no "one size fits all" solution. You're just going to have to use your best judgement. My fourth wish, is that you learn to be kind. I wish I could say that I've always been fantastic in this particular department, but that would be a lie. If there is one regret I have in my life, It's all the times that I have been less than kind. Learn to accept others based off of their personalities as opposed to what they look like, who they know, what they wear, or how different they are. Some of the most genuine people I know are people that at one point I looked at them and said to myself "What will other people think?" I HATE my past self for doing that. I missed out on a lot of really good times that I could have had, had I let them in sooner. Always seek out those who are alone, because everyone deserves to have a friend. Imagine the difference you could make in someone's life by taking 10 minutes to have a conversation with them. Treat everyone with the same amount of respect you'd like to be treated with. Never think that you are above anyone, stay humble. Never say anything unkind to someone in a moment of anger, if you do, make sure that you apologize. When you do something to hurt someone, don't put off your apology, especially if that person means something to you. There have been too many times that I've lost out on a valuable friendship with someone, simply because I couldn't swallow my pride and admit that I was wrong. Pride is such a dangerous weapon, don't let it get the best of you. Stand up for people. Now, I'm not saying that you should go and get into a fist fight. But don't be afraid to stand up for someone when everyone else is being mean. Now, I can't stress enough the importance of this next part. I don't care if the people taking about someone behind their back or to their face are your friends. Next time you overhear a conversation about someone else, don't be afraid to defend them. I want you to imagine how you would feel if someone was saying about you, the things they are saying about someone else.(please remember this before you say anything about anyone else as well) If they respond poorly, I can pretty much guarantee you, when you look back at that moment, you will never regret standing up for someone the way you'll regret it if you don't. It may seem strange that I'm writing all this while you are only the size of a jalepeno, but, these are things that I hope to instill in you while you are still young. Because the habit of being unkind, is a habit that is so hard to break. My next wish for you is a little different. I want you to live every single moment you are given. Feel the sun on your face. Enjoy the smell outside when it's just rained. Eat weird things. Do things you are afraid of doing. Learn everything you can, and apply it. Be grateful for everything you've been blessed to experience. Feel every feeling as deeply as you possibly can. Put all you have into everything you love. Follow your heart, and work toward your dreams. Dream as big as you possibly can, and make it happen. Nothing is going to fall into your hands, you're going to have to work for it, but I PROMISE the harder you work, the more meaningful it will be for you. Now, there are about a thousand wishes I have for you, seriously, I could go on forever. But i'll end this letter with one last wish for you. ALWAYS be yourself. People will try so hard to dim your shine. When that happens, shine brighter. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about you. If you are truly who YOU are, you'll be happy. Some wise person somewhere once said "Those who mind, don't matter. And those who matter, don't mind." I believe that with all my heart. People who don't want anything to do with you when you are being yourself, aren't worth your time. Don't sell yourself short to please someone else, because I promise if you do that, you'll never be happy with your life. Don't sacrifice your own personal values, and beliefs for the sake of someone else. Stand for what you feel is right. Never back down, never surrender. Now, I know I'm just your Mother, and no matter how often I tell you this, it won't seem like enough. But your Father and I love you more than you could possibly know. That love will NEVER go away. There isn't anything you could do or say that will change that. We want the world for you. And although sometimes you'll hate us, please remember that we are there for you through whatever. Don't be afraid to come to us with problems, feelings, the truth, ANYTHING. I love you to the moon and back, you're our everything from here to mars. With Unconditional Love, Your Mom.

Finding Faith by Losing Faith.

Growing up in Utah, finding people who aren't religious is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. This can be both good, and bad. It can be good because generally most people in Utah are friendly and trustworthy. But it can be bad when you don't believe in the ideals of those around you. You become somewhat of an outcast. This is my story. I know some people that read it are going to give me a really hard time. Especially family and family friends. But I am finally ready to talk about it. If you have read my blog before you know that when I was 15 I was sexually assaulted by someone I thought was a friend. What I haven't talked about before, was the backlash I got about it from family members, friends and the LDS Church. I was raised in a great family that lived the LDS lifestyle. I grew up going to church every Sunday, and going to LDS sponsored activities on other days of the week. I was taught not to swear, lie, steal, wear immodest clothing, and most importantly, not to have sex before marriage. I had done a very good job sticking to these standards most of my life. My ward knew me as a good kid. I would even visit ward members as a small child on my scooter just because they didn't have kids and I wanted them to know they were loved and cared for. This may give you a clearer picture of who I was prior to this event that would change everything. I won't go to much into the assault side of my story as I have written about it many times. But essentially, I was lured into a false sense of security by a boy I was friends with, and he offered to come to a house I was watching by myself to make sure I wasn't scared anymore. So, I let him come over, and he proceeded to spike my juice, and assault me. He told me when he left, that if I told anyone, he would kill me. He also told me that I wanted him to do it and that I just couldn't remember. It took a new guy friend of mine, about 2 months later to scare him away from me. At that time, he told me I should talk to an adult. So, I talked to my mom, I didn't fully know how to explain the situation to her as I was still partly convinced it was my fault. She was under the impression that I had willingly had sex, so she told me what any church member would, she told me to go talk to my bishop. I was told that I had willingly had sex, even though I told the bishop that I had told him "No" over and over, and even tried to shove him away from me, but he was stronger than I was. I was given my punishment, I was not to take the sacrament, and was to pray daily to ask for forgiveness. I also was told not to go to the police as it would affect the boy negatively and I was an equal participant. It was this immediate judgement that made me feel I was worthless. Every Sunday, the judging glances of people who once loved me, the isolation from my peers, It pierced like a knife. Most of the friends I had didn't even bother to ask what had actually happened, they just assumed, In their eyes, I could never come back from this "Sin" that I never even wanted in the first place. I had planned on waiting until marriage to have sex. I remember one time, a church teacher I had was giving a lesson on purity, and she looked awkwardly at me and asked If I wanted to leave so I wouldn't feel uncomfortable. For the longest time, I felt like the scum of the earth, I even resorted to attempting to take my own life on several occasions. I was having night terrors, and panic attacks, I forced myself to stay awake to avoid these nightmares. My method of coping was to plug my headphones in and pretend the world around me didn't exist. Luckily for me, I was able to switch schools and get a fresh start with friends who didn't know any of this had happened. So there was some relief there, but still, every time I went to church I was back in this dark place where I felt completely alone and felt like I wasn't worthy of love and acceptance. It was when I stopped going to church that I finally felt happy, and felt like the person I really was. I was finally free to be myself and feel no judgement. It was also at that point in time that I realized just how much I did not believe in anything the church stood for. I realized how hypocritical they were, how brainwashed I was, the type of hold they had on their members. They were able to take a small seed of doubt I had in myself and extort me into believing I needed to repent or that God would never love me or forgive me again. Because of how long I was brainwashed into believing it was my fault, I never got professional help to cope with what had happened. When I was about 20 and realizing the full extent of the trauma I went through I developed PTSD. I would have these extremely bad episodes where something would trigger me into full blown paranoia, and panic attacks sometimes I would even see things that weren't there. Everyone kept telling me to come back to church and that that would make it better, but the second I stepped into the church building, It got 10 x worse. Every time I would pray, or read my scriptures I would have a complete mental breakdown. So,I stopped going again, I got professional help, and it got better. I tried going back to church again, same thing, everything got worse. Fast forward to now, I haven't stepped into a church building for a very long time, I now have very few panic attacks, I am actually able to leave my house without feeling terrified, my night terrors happen maybe once in a blue moon and I am completely and totally happy with who I am and where I'm at in my life. People ask me why I don't believe in the LDS church, this among other things, very heavily attribute to it. The biggest factor in my decision to stop participating in the church is that the second I took myself out of it, I began to see the falseness of the doctrine, the faulty way the church is governed, the rules that they make up that make no sense, and the way they treat people the way they treated me and sometimes even worse, for sexual assault, who they love, the family they are born into, anyone who doesn't fit into their cookie cutter of who a person should be. It took me losing faith, to find faith in myself. And I absolutely do not in any way shape or form, regret my decision.

Holy, Life Update, Batman!

It's been a minute since I have written anything. Not for lack of trying. I have sat down at my keyboard countless times, trying to think of a way to accurately sum up the events that have occurred in my life recently, and haven't come up with the words. I have finally decided to jump the gun and make an attempt. Hopefully I can come up with even the slightest description of events, however, I am sure the amount of emotion I have in my body will not be able to find its way on this page. I know it's cliche to say "You had to be there" but.. I mean, you had to be there. So, you'll just have to take my word for it. The last time a wrote was new years eve. A LOT has happened in these last 7 months. I'll try to explain everything. We will start with February, in particular the week of Valentines Day. All week I knew something was up. Hunter was being sneaky, and we have ALWAYS had a very open book type of relationship. We tell each other LITERALLY everything. So, when I asked him what we were doing for Valentines Day and he told me "You'll just have to wait and see." I knew immediately that I had better find a stellar outfit, get my nails done, color my hair, and most importantly find a waterproof mascara. Because any girl in a serious relationship, that has involved discussion of being married soon, KNOWS what that sort of statement means. However, me, being the nosy, need-to-know-now, type of girl I am, I bugged him into admitting to me that's what was going to happen. So here I am, planning on Valentines Day to be "The Day", Hunter, however, had other plans. 3 Days before Valentines Day he said, "So I know we are planning on doing things for Valentines Day, but would you also like to go on a date tonight?" I was ecstatic to spend some much needed alone time with my sweetheart. We were just going to go to sushi and a movie. I threw on a nice outfit. Keep in mind, I was just planning on sushi and a movie, so I didn't throw on the fancy outfit I had picked out for Valentines Day. Thank HEAVENS I had gotten my nails done that day. When he showed up to get me any slight idea I had about getting engaged that day disappeared because he was just wearing a button up and a hoodie, so I thought "There's no way, I feel like he'd have his hair done for pictures" Boy, did he throw me off! We drove to The Riverwoods--Happy sumo is our typical sushi spot--and we got out of the car, he was very smiley, and held my hand, I noticed he was texting someone, but didn't really think much of it. As we approached the middle of The Riverwoods, where the gazebo is, I thought I saw his sister, but immediately told myself there was no way. Suddenly, I felt him pull me towards he gazebo. I was confused "what are you doing?" I kept asking, he wouldn't tell me. We walked up to the middle of the gazebo, and he had the biggest cheesiest grin on his face, he grabbed both of my hands and looked me in the eyes "Okay, so, I've loved you since the day that I met you, and I want to spend forever with you." he then got down on one knee and I let out some profanities. "Shay, will you marry me?" I began to cry, still letting out profanities, I couldn't get a yes out over the profanities, so I just nodded and pulled him up for a hug. His sister had been taking pictures and filming the whole thing. We got a couple of pictures, and then went to dinner. I couldn't handle going to a movie since I was so excited, so we spent the rest of the night telling our friends and family. It was perfect. Even with me knowing, he still managed to surprise me. It was pure magic. The next big thing that happened was that I unexpectedly moved into the Leslie's house. I won't go into to much detail about that, because I don't like to talk about it. But, it was definitely unexpected. After that, Hunter, our friend Joe, Joe's brother, and I went to see Coheed and Cambria, I the mighty, Silversnakes, and Glassjaw at the Complex in Salt Lake, that concert was AMAZING. Coheed and I, the Mighty in particular. We hated Glassjaw... but that's irrelevant. In April, I decided to look into going back to school. Within a week, I found a school, enrolled and started. It all happened so fast. Also sometime around April I started forming a new group of friends consisting of Hunter, Joe, my Cousin Rob, Hunter's brother Trevin, and around May-ish my friend Jayce, who I knew in St. George, moved up here and began hanging out with us. and thus a squad was born. I have never had a group of friends who have been as amazing and fiercely loyal as these guys. I absolutely love them to death and don't know what my life would be like without them. The Dentist I worked for down in Richfield bought a practice up here, and called me, and I started working again. Which was crazy and unexpected, but exciting!(: Feb-June was mostly wedding planning, school, and work. I got CRAZY stressed out. It became a LOT really fast, and I had some major mental breakdowns, but we worked through them all. My sister-in-law Makaela, had a baby shower for my nephew Ollie, and the following week, I had a bridal shower. lots of showering, ya'all. I turned 22 on June 9th, I got to celebrate on the 10th with my friends and family. It was a lot of fun. Then, On June 25th, at 4 in the morning, my sister in law gave birth to my amazingly adorable nephew Oliver Michael Markham. He is basically the best wedding gift I could have ever asked for, because Hunt and I got married at the Leslie's house later that day, my Mother-in-law Soya, was AMAZING and planned/pulled together EVERYTHING. It was BEAUTIFUL. We had such an amazing and memorable day. I'm just super happy to be married to my high school sweetheart and best friend. (: We spent a week-long honeymoon in California and it was incredible. I got a kidney infection the following week and ended up spending 4 days in the hospital. It was crazy, and awful and I am so glad that it is over. That's about all I can think of for now. I'm going to try and do better at updating my blog again. Until something else happens or I come up with something incredibly witty or thoughtful to talk about, I'll let ya'all get back to whatever it is you are doing. As for me, I'm going to go take care of my cute husband who just had his wisdom teeth out today! LOVE YOU ALL!

2015 What a year.

2015 was definitely one of the weirdest years of my entire existence. The year started out pretty freaking great. I was married, I lived in a small town that I didn't really like, but I was happy. I got a job that I loved as a dental assistant, and I was doing pretty well. I started my new job off with a business trip to Las Vegas which was fun! I learned a lot. In June my mom got her second open heart surgery, I was terrified, but things went well, and aside from a permanent clicks, she's back to normal. Something I am beyond grateful for. Whilst my mom was going through her heart surgery, I came in contact with my birth father's family. I found out that he had passed in 2012, and that I wasn't going to be able to meet him as I had hoped. However it has been really nice to get to know his family. They are great people. Around the same time all of this was going on, Carson and I realized that we couldn't stand each other, and started to drift apart. I took a trip to Georgia this year, and it was incredible! What a beautiful place! I reunited with an old roommate who was also going through a divorce and we became close again, in fact she is my number one confidant and one of the only people who has been there for me through everything I've been going through. I reunited also with Hunter, my high school sweetheart, who was also going through a divorce. So, Haley and Hunter and I were kind of the divorce squad for a while. In October I moved back to Provo, On Halloween. Shortly after Hunter and I realized that our feelings for each other had never really gone away, so we decided to take a chance on dating, even though it was insane. We knew we would be judged for it, but honestly, we made each other happy, so we went for it. Another big thing that happened this last year, was that I had been experiencing some pretty severe pelvic pain. I never could figure out what it was, and just attributed it to being cramps. As time went on the pain got more and more intense, along with some other side affects. So the doctor had me come in and do a pelvic ultrasound. We discovered that I have PCOS(Polycystic Ovary Syndrome)Which means that instead of ovulating, I grow Cysts on my ovaries, so I had about 10 Cysts on my ovaries and then I also had multiple benign tumors in my uterus. It has been a long process to figure out what's going on and we are still running tests and figuring out the best way to deal with things. It's been kind of scary, because PCOS can cause infertility. And earlier in the year I had a miscarriage. The biggest thing though has just been the pain. I've pretty much had to live off of pain killers for the last few months, and it's been kind of miserable. All the crappy things aside, I am very hopeful for this new year. I really have a good feeling about 2016, and I am fully prepared to kick its ass. 2015 was an emotional roller coaster and to be honest, I'm glad its over.Goodbye Crappy 2015, Hello Beautiful, wonderful 2016. I'm living life to the fullest this year!

I'm happy, get over it.

As most of you know, the last few months have been kind of intense for me. 

I announced my divorce which had secretly been a thing for a while, I moved home, I got a great job and had to quit it because my PTSD got in the way, I have been in and out of the doctors office countless times and even the emergency room once, due to some new medical issues that I won't get into right now, 

But the biggest thing, the big elephant in the room anytime I go anywhere and see anyone I know has been the fact that I am in a new relationship. I know what you're thinking "already?" Or even perhaps you have the same thought that half of the people who used to be my friends have had "she must have been having an affair." 

No. I didn't. The simple fact is this, while my marriage didn't last long; it was a loveless marriage. I guess maybe loveless isn't the right word. You see, my ex was my best friend. But we were always better friends than we ever were Husband and wife. We never agreed on ANYTHING. I wanted kids, he wanted cars. I wanted us both to find a way to go back to school and be successful, he wanted us both to work whatever jobs we could find with high school diplomas for the rest of our lives. I wanted a big city closer to my family, he wanted small town 2 hours away from anyone I knew.

We'd argue; I'd give him my thoughts, he would do what he wanted anyway even if it meant spending money on something we definitely didn't need, and sacrificing groceries for a month or two. The list goes on and on. Now, I'm not saying he's the only one at fault. Trust me, I screwed up, A LOT. I had unrealistic expectations of him; and if he didn't fill those expectations, I'd let myself be miserable. Which is unhealthy, and stupid. 

But anyway, I've gotten off topic,

Back to my new relationship.

Hunter and I met 5 years ago through mutual friends, the moment I saw him I felt a strong connection to him. We dated for a few months, and I got scared. Because, I don't do the whole commitment thing well, yeah I've been in a lot of relationships, because I like the thought of being into the whole commitment thing, but, they never lasted longer than a couple months. Which is why when I decided to get married after a year of dating my family was beyond shocked. Me getting scared resulted in me breaking up with someone I still had extremely strong feelings for. We lost contact, and every once in a while over the years we would run into each other or, I'd send him a message to see how things were going for him. 

We both got married and didn't talk to each other for a good long while.

Fast forward a little bit, we both split up with our partners, and ended up spending time together, at first it was just as friends, then it turned into something more. So, we decided to take a chance on something, even though it sounded crazy, and scared the hell out of both of us. 

We have received a lot of Feedback. Mostly good, but some, not so good.

At first it really really bothered me, I almost let people talk me out of happiness. But then I realized something, I am happier now than I have been probably ever. So why would I let people who clearly don't care about my happiness as much as they care about what my happiness looks like to the general public, ruin something so amazing, that I go to bed smiling every night, and wake up smiling every morning? 

He makes me feel like I actually have worth, he makes me feel pretty at my worst, and breathtaking at my best. 

He makes me feel like I can be myself and it's totally rad. 

He takes me on dates to remind me that I'm worth his time, and effort.

He knows me better than even some of my closest friends and family. 

For hells sake he bought me 70 Vinyl records and a record player for Christmas because he wanted my Christmas to be special.

He hates people with me; and is perfectly fine with us bailing out on social events to watch Netflix and eat pizza.

We laugh, we cry, we argue all the time, and I wouldn't trade it for ANYTHING.

I'm in love with my best friend, he makes me happy, and frankly it's none of your business. So, you can either be supportive, or you can get over it. Because I won't hesitate to show you the exit if you can't. 

Happily ever after?

Sometimes we meet people, and everything leading up to meeting them seems as if it's fate, that we are meant to be together, and you know what, Sometimes we are. But, sometimes fate isn't enough to make a relationship work. 

Let me tell you a love story.

It begins with a hallway. A girl meets a boy, she forgets to ask him his name, she thinks she'll never see him again. Then, fate brings them together via the Internet. They meet up, and realize that they had met before, they then decide that they have fate on their side, they must have been meant to be.

Fast forward a year, they get married. They are 20 years old and think nothing can tear them apart. They begin a life together. And things seem to be great for a while. But then, almost a year later they begin to make each other miserable. They try everything they can think of to fix things, but they just can't. And as quickly as it began, their relationship comes to an end. 

It's hard to re-wire your brain into realizing that life isn't over just because your marriage is. In fact; it's not just you making it hard on yourself, other people make it really hard. 

If I've learned anything from this nightmare, it's this. Sometimes things don't go the way you want them to, and that's OKAY. You may feel like you've run out of breath from time to time, but you're still breathing. You may feel like you are completely hopeless, but you aren't. And you may feel like nobody will ever love you again, but that's NOT TRUE. 

You control your fate, fate does not control you. If you want to be happy, then be happy. If you feel like you aren't the person you want to be, become that person. Don't let a case of "fate gone wrong" keep you from living your life. 

Sometimes happily ever after, doesn't require a prince riding in on his white horse and sweeping you off your feet. Sometimes happily ever after comes from you, doing what you need to do to make yourself happy.

Things NOT to say to someone who's going through a divorce.

Going through a divorce is hard. There's no doubt about that. But one thing I've noticed, is the hardest part is dealing with people around you. Because (A) everyone thinks it's their business. (B) people think they NEED to say something even if they don't. (C) people are judgy as hell. So, here's a guide for everyone who HASN'T gone through a divorce on what you definitely should not say to someone who is going through a divorce. 

"I'm sure you're not feeling up to it, but....."

I'm sorry? Since when do you get to decide what I'm not feeling up to? 

"Unless you'd feel uncomfortable because you are alone..."

Thanks for the painful reminder.

"Are you okay?", "I don't believe you."

Okay, look, while its nice that you're concerned, literally EVERYONE is asking if I'm okay like constantly and has been since the decision to divorce was made public knowledge.

"I'm sorry it didn't work out, I always hoped it would with you two."

No, really?! So did I, but obviously it didn't because here we are. You've pretty much just told this person "that's stupid why couldn't you make it work, I liked them"

"Who's getting (insert object or pet or children) in the divorce?" If you've never dealt with sorting through your belongings with someone who you once thought you'd never be without again then you probably don't know this but that conversation is PAINFUL. In my particular situation I lost my cat. Who was basically my child. Chances are that's a really touchy subject and is also totally none of your business. 

"I don't want to say something stupid and offend you, so I won't tell you what I think." 

You totally just did. Consider me offended.

"I know someone who would really like to meet you, you'd be good together."

I shouldn't even have to explain why this is a stupid thing to say.

"Weren't you only married for (insert marriage length here)?"

.....sigh.

"What happened?" 

Ok seriously? You really think I want to re-live that with you?

No. Just no.

So basically here's the deal, don't say anything unless the person who is getting divorced asks for your opinion. 

Or, just stick with a simple "if you need anything let me know, I'm here for you." 

In the words of thumper "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."