Dream Catcher.

Dream Catcher: Noun : a circular framed net with a hole in the center that is used by some American Indian peoples to help block bad dreams and catch good ones I have always had a strange fascination with dream catchers.. the strange intricate designs, the general native american "voodoo" behind them, the symbolism, the legends, and for me personally, the mystery that comes from looking at one. I know what your thinking What is Shay getting at with this post..? Well.. as I am talking more about a figurative dream catcher, this post will contain a lot of analogies, and metaphors.. I know, I know, How terribly cliche. But I'd have a hard time explaining myself in any other way, as I have been trying to come up with a way to start this post for over 2 months.. I want you to think with me for a minute.. what if people could have the same effects as dream catchers... I mean, yeah they can't be a circular framed net with a hole in the center... but what if they had the effect to block out bad dreams or actions, and catch good ones... ? I think I found my dream catcher.. I had been struggling with drugs and alcohol for a long time. It started off as a social thing, a couple beers, maybe a few shots, and a hit here and there at a friend's party. It seemed harmless at first.. I was "giving it the old college try".. But after a few months.. I noticed some unusual behavior in myself...I stopped going to class, and would just do my homework at home.. I had completely given up on trying to find a job, and I found myself drinking in my room, by myself, before 3 PM... I've always had nightmares, but they were getting worse... Instead of them just happening and me being able to wake up and shake them off and go about my day... they stuck with me.. and made me feel numb.. My solution to this was to take more than I was prescribed in adderall. One night It got so bad that I was laying on my floor, my heart felt like it was going to explode in my chest. and I began to plead with god to make it stop. "Please... Help me and I will try my best to change... I just need your help to get me through this and to keep me away from it all... " I suddenly felt myself blacking out. When I woke up I was in bed, contacts out and put away, teeth brushed, in my pjs.. I had no Idea how I had gotten to that point. But I knew that I needed to change. That next night instead of going to a party after a long frustrating day, I decided to eat my feelings away with some In-n-Out Burger. I went over to my friend's house to meet up with her, but she hadn't gotten there yet, she told me to wait in the hall till she got there, So, there I stood, 2 Double Doubles, a Neopolitan Shake and Animal style fries in hand. I looked horrible. I was wearing sweats, My makeup was gone, and my hair was a mess. So, Naturally God picked that time to send a gorgeous boy up the stairs. "Are you locked out?" He asked his voice full of concern. I tried to speak but my mouth was stuffed full of food. I swallowed it quickly and replied in a half-choking voice "No, I'm waiting for Imari to get back." he sat and talked to me for a few minutes about how crazy her roommate Chelsey was.. and then she walked up the stairs. So he ran off. I was crushed. Such an idiot for not asking for his name... or number... facebook.. something. I went inside and told Imari about him. She had no idea who he would have been. I went home that night and all I could think about was that kind smile, those sweet eyes, and that voice. It haunted me for weeks. I started to let it go and focused my attention on finding new friends online that were in the area. A few boys asked me on dates. But none of them seemed promising enough to risk meeting them in real life. But one. He seemed so familiar. So, I invited him to the hot tub, because he lived in the same complex as me. When he walked through the gate, my heart skipped a beat. He was gorgeous and so out of my league. "Crap, crap, crap.. I wore the wrong swimsuit, I should have done a better job on my hair.. and my make up... crap. " He smiled and greeted me with a hug. I swear I felt a spark immediately when we touched. All of my troubles melted away. Things went really well that night, we watched a movie, and talked about our interests, our music taste, just.. everything, and suddenly, everything changed. I felt.. happy. and comfortable, I could be myself. the only thing I can think to describe how it felt is some silly cliche of a girl and a boy driving down the highway on a sunny day top down, rock music playing and her hair dancing in the wind, laughing, smiling without a care.. ok.. so maybe that's not how it happened, but that's how it felt. We talked until we fell asleep. When we woke up I was still in his arms. "You look so beautiful.." He actually meant it when he said it... "I've gotta run home and shower so I can be worthy of your presence." could this really be happening? He kissed my forehead and left. He texted me a few mins later and told me that he was already missing me. Could I have finally found someone who was going to treat me with the respect I deserved? Every moment I spend with him I cherish. It's been 3 amazing months. And I can't wait to see what else is in store for us.

My Rock.My Hero.My Example.

In life, we have been given individual trials, some are hard, and at times seem to hard to handle.. But they can be overcome.. Often times, when god gives us a trial, he gives us tools to help us through them. For me, this tool, has been a constant in every trial I have faced, it comes in the form of a person. My Grandma Junece. Never has there ever been a more selfless, generous, loving woman.. Anyone who knows my Grandma knows that she is the most friendly, and compassionate woman, they have ever met. She is always there for anyone who needs her, with open arms, and a heart that is filled with only love, and concern. This woman, feels no Judgement for anyone. She is the most Christ-like individual, I have ever known. My Grandma means everything to me. She is my best friend, My Hero, and my ever constant Rock. She is the one person in my life who has always been there for me. She is the one person I know without a doubt, that no matter what wrongs I commit, she will still love me no matter what, she shares this quality with heavenly father and his son, Jesus Christ. As I ponder everything my grandma has ever done for me, my heart burns with love, and my eyes fill with tears. She has been the biggest influence in my life, and especially in my testimony. I hope someday, I can be half the person she is. She truly is my guardian angel. One experience where my grandmother proved to be a huge blessing in my life, was the day of my father's funeral. I hadn't cried once, the entire funeral, Instead I bottled my emotions up, everyone disregarded this thinking, I had simply come to peace with my father's passing.. but not my Grandma. She saw straight through me. After the Burial Service, she asked If I would like to come for a ride with her. I gladly hopped into her car. We drove for a while, until everyone left.. She then pulled back over to where my fathers grave was. We sat in the car as the casket was buried in the ground. She looked at me grabbed my hand and told me to let it out... and I did. Tears streamed from my face like a waterfall, and my sweet grandmother hugged me while I cried, and told me that it was okay to be sad, and that everything would be okay, because of heavenly father's plan. This small act of kindness will forever be planted in my heart. Another more recent experience was when my mother and I had been experiencing some conflict between us. Everyone seemed to be taking my mom's side of the story into account, and disregarding my feelings. But not my Grandma. She took me aside, and had me tell her everything, she then talked to my mother for me, and told her that I would be staying at her house for a night as to calm the tension. I can remember countless nights when there would be fighting and I'd call my Grandma, and she'd be there in a heartbeat to take me for a drive, and talk about my feelings, while helping me see my mother's side. She helped me through this trial, in a way that nobody else could have. I am eternally grateful to her for this. The last experience I will mention happened today and was the inspiration for me writing this. My grandma has been having me type out her personal history. This history consists of spiritual experiences that have helped build her testimony. The last 4 months have been very difficult for me spiritually, and my testimony had begun to disappear. This has been difficult as many trials have occurred this month. Last night my mom told me that my grandma was in the hospital with kidney issues. This scared me, but even worse was the fact that when my brother went to see her, she was confused and couldn't remember who he was. This filled my heart with pain.. knowing that my grandma might not remember me was overwhelming to me... as she is the most important person to me. I began to cry and decided to pray. I prayed for comfort, and help with my testimony. I was then inspired to read and work on typing her history. Reading these spiritual experiences in my grandmother's very own handwriting helped me to realize just how strong her testimony is.. this brought me to tears.. My grandmother has taught me so much without even trying.. She will never fully understand how drastic of a blessing this small miracle is in my life. My Grandma Junece is everything to me. She is my Rock. She is my Hero. And most importantly She is my example of how to be more Christ-like. I love you, Grandma.

Small Miracles in a time where all hope seems lost.

I have a spiritual Experience that I would like to share, in hopes that it will bless someone's life, as it blessed mine: This morning after a conversation with my mother about my grandmother who is in the hospital, I began to type her history, this is an ongoing project I have been working on.. This assignment seemed at first to be a very hard task, that made no sense to me, when she asked me to type it, I thought she was crazy, and that this would be another one of her silly escapades, so I procrastinated for several months, then, last Sunday, I was visiting with her for an hour or two, she shared with me some of her spiritual experiences, and handed me several of these experiences on paper that she had hand-written, tears welling in my eyes I asked her "Grandma, what is this? What would you like me to do with this" She replied "These are my spiritual experiences, and I would like them to be typed out.. because I want my posterity to read these experiences and know what I know." as she said this She began to tear up.. It was at this moment that I knew how strong my grandmothers testimony is... As I began typing this story, I prayed for guidance throughout this project as well as comfort throughout the hard times I am currently facing..( A friend of mine recently passed away, this was a very difficult thing for me, the next day is when my grandmother was admitted to the hospital.) When I finished praying, I threw my Sunday playlist on... And a song came on that made me know without a certainty that Heavenly Father heard my prayer.. This song is called "I have not seen, yet I believe" I sang it once in church and never fully understood the meaning of the song... I now know. I am truly grateful for this small miracle... (: ♥