Oh hi, I'm married.

So.. I'm married. :P it's awesome.  Here are some wedding pictures (:

Not wedding related!

Ya'all. I'm loving the fall trends for this year. Today I bought some  Madden ankle boots in the color cognac they look sorta combat bootish.. haha.  But they go really well with my black and Grey snowflake leggings and a big oversized sweater. I also think that they would  be good with like... Some chunky boot socks or shorter leg warmers.  I also got these suuuuper cute wedge ankle boots that lace up. I am absolutely in love!!!

I also bought like 8 sweaters. 2 flannels (oversized of course) 5 dresses and like... 6 pairs of leggings... so yeah I went a little crazy on my fall haul this year.  But hey.. I'm getting married so I could use a new wardrobe.. right?  Oh boy.. I'm justifying myself. Haha.

Anyway, pics to come later!

Fall is upon us!

At last! My favorite season!!!
Sweaters, leggings, boots, fall colored leafs, cold enough to force cuddling!  I just really love fall! I always buy sweaters this time of year and this year my sweet mother spoiled me rotten! She bought me 5 sweaters, 2 plaid shirts, 3 pairs of jeans and 4 pairs of leggings!!! Holy moses. Am I spoiled or what?!  Going along with being spoiled.  I am so blessed to have grown up in such an amazing neighborhood.  They threw me a bridal shower (my second one!) And everyone was so sweet and generous! The best part was all of the wonderful cards and kind words.  I am one blessed girl. I have more stuff than I know what to do with! Haha. But in any case I'm super grateful for everyone helping Carson and I start our home together. The acts of kindness I have experienced will be remembered for many years to come.

Strange things that bug me

So as I was laying here In bed I realized I have a lot of weird pet peeves about the human body.
So here's a list
1. When you go to bed early because you're exhausted and somebody makes a noise so you wake up and your body refuses to fall back asleep.

2. When you're too hungry to fall asleep but you're too tired to go eat something.

3. Sweating. Just in general.

4.Acid Reflux.  Just no.

5. When you swallow water to fast and it hurts in your chest and the pain is something similar to swallowing a rock.

6. When you can only fall asleep on your stomach but you feel like your pillow is smothering your face.

7. That annoying whistley sound your nose sometimes makes.

8. Needing to work out. Like... life would just be so much easier without it.

9. Stomach sounds. They just bug me so bad!

10. Earwax. Like... just... ew.

So there you have it. Weird body things that drive me crazy. 

God Bless The Broken Road

Getting married stirs up a lot of deep though and reflecting on the past. I know a lot of my posts recently have been sort of reflecty, but I've said it before and I'll say it again.  It's my blog and I do what I want.
One thing I've reflected on due to spending a significant amount of time around my close friends from high school. Is how every story they have about my past involves me bringing a different boy to every thing we did they referred to these boys as my flavors of the week. And while it's kinda weird to think I had so many boyfriends/crushes in high school I wouldn't take back any of them.  Some of them sucked. Like they were complete and total trash. For example one boy I dated after I graduated who I seriously went all Betty crocker for. I cooked him dinner all the time,  cleaned his apartment for him everyday seriously bent over backwards to try to make him happy including letting him drive my car to "work" while I took the bus to my work every day. As it turned out "work" was him picking up his ex girlfriend in my car and taking her on dates. I learned so much from that experience.  Yeah, it hurt like hell at the time but it made me stronger.  I became able to stand up for myself in relationships.  But long story short since it's almost 2 AM and I'm exhausted.  I'm glad that the experiences I had led me to Carson. The long road to him was bumpy and at times it was like driving through thick mud and getting stuck but these experiences made me into a better woman for him and let's be real having him as my reward for traveling the long road was soo worth it. I asked for a person to love and receive love in return and I got an angel who treats me like a queen.  Thanks to the big man in the sky for hooking me up with the high end angel.

I swear I lived

So here I am. About 10 days before the most significant event in my life thus far.  I'm excited, terrified, and even a little reflective.  I'm 4 hours away from my rock. Which isn't easy.. I mean for an entire year we have spent pretty much every single day together.  But it's all going to be worth it. However right now.. life feels so strange. I have been having extreme anxiety attacks every day since I've been here and they got so severe that I ended up having to be prescribed a long term anxiety medication as well as one I take as needed for my attacks.
One thing that has made this a lot easier and less stressful has been my wonderful friends. Tonight we did the most simple things.. but the memory of tonight as silly as it may be will forever be implanted in my heart. We went to the store and bought lunchables in the canyon while listening to jazz music.  It was nice to escape adulthood for a while and just take in the beauty of the canyon, the colors of the changing trees, the cool, crisp air and the beautiful mountains. We laughed, we sang, we danced,  we ran, and I felt so free.  After our picnic we met up with another good friend and we drove to downtown Provo. If you haven't walked around downtown Provo at night... you are missing out. There's something strangely peaceful about it... Although the city is still going on around you.. All the shops are closed and it shows you a whole new side of provo.. we walked downtown singing songs, we wrote on the city chalk wall, we just.. lived. Moments like these make me feel so at home in my own body.. they remind me that although sometimes I feel like I haven't done much with my life... I have done crazy things.. like  one time I stole a pumpkin from a pumpkin patch at 3 in the morning. And although I went back the next night and left a dollar on the owner's porch I felt so alive.   I've endured sad things such as losing my dad to cancer, losing friends in a different sense than death but to me, it was equally painful.. I've had my heart broken. But I made it through in one piece.
I've been so angry I have seen red. I even went into the canyon once and smashed a TV because I was so mad.
I have felt joy. Pure joy.  Not the kind that can be bought.  I've loved,  I've been blessed with friends some good, some bad, but friends none the less and we have had some times I wouldn't give up for anything.  Be it sitting on a friend's roof talking about all the bad things we have done but how we are better people now for having gone through it all.. Or having a Disney themed tea party and dressing as our favorite characters.. These memories remain so near and dear to my heart.
And I'll be the first to admit. . I'm scared that when I get married.. The chances of having some of these moments will fade.. but I know that Carson and I will have times that will similarly impact my heart. And I will always hold on to the other memories from my past. 

I have lived such a full life. I've traveled to places I never thought that I would see.. I've had colored chalk all over every inch of my body (probably inside and out).. I've played live shows, I've screamed my lungs out at a Coheed and Cambria concert,  I've splattered glow stick juice on the walls of a cave and was able to see it glowing in all its glory looking like the galaxy as I stood there in awe.. I've kissed in the rain, I've crawled out of my bedroom window to talk to a boy. I've danced like nobody was watching.. I've cried in public.. I've bawled during movies,  I've read books that have made me feel like the characters were my friends.. I've ridden the Indiana Jones ride at Disneyland exactly 37 times... I've done a back flip off a dock into the ocean, I've danced on a pier with a boy who made me feel like I was beautiful.. I've fallen in love, throwing my entire heart at someone without knowing if they would catch it. I've eaten snails, I tried sushi and loved it. And hell, I even did the ice Bucket challenge.
These may not be huge ground breaking accomplishments but I'll be dammed if people say I never lived.  Because I did. I put my whole soul into it and I made the most of my life. And I will continue to do so until I literally have nothing left to give.  And I am lucky enough to be able to do all this with the most perfect human being I have met. My Husband. So if you ask me, I think I've lived the greatest life ever and I wouldn't trade it for anything. So I say, Marriage? Kids?  Anything else that will happen in my life? BRING IT ON!

Shower, Flower and a Loss of Girl Power.

Well, this one is about a couple of different things that happened last week. One of which is kinda sad, but happy at the same time because its about me getting rid of some dead weight in my life. Last week I was in Provo getting some stuff ready for the wedding. My awesome Aunt Debbie threw me a bridal shower. It was way fun! (: My family, and a couple of friends came and they were all so sweet and generous and gave me lots of cool stuff to help Carson and I out. I got 2 crock pots, one of which I was able to give to a friend who didn't have one. I've been cooking seriously non-stop. I got a hand mixer, some cake mixes, some really nice dishes and some amazingly soft towels, lots of fun stuff. (: We also got to eat some really yummy eclairs. soo good. I also got to pick out my bouquet while I was there along with Carson's flower, and both of our mother's wrist corsages. I'm super excited about them. I'll show you guys pictures after my wedding. Now the sad part. I've had this friend for like 4 years now, who has kinda walked all over me. She was only there for me when she didn't have anyone to talk to or hang out with, when we were cool and hanging out, things were great I had so much fun and I was really happy. But the second she found a new friend, I wasn't worth her time anymore. And the worst part, is that every time she wanted to be friends again, I'd fall into the same stupid miserable friendship. This week we hung out again, we had an awesome girls day and it was soo fun! The next day was my shower, and she had totally said she was coming, and I wouldn't have minded if she told me she didn't want to come or couldn't, but instead she lied to me and said she didn't come because her dad needed her. but then when I pulled out my phone and looked on snapchat, she had posted pictures of her hanging out with a friend, they were all posted during the time of my shower. Now, i'm not trying to come across as that girl who is super pissed that a friend bailed on coming to a party. Because it isn't that at all. I couldn't care less that she didn't come. The thing i'm upset about is that she lied to me, and did the same thing she ALWAYS does. So finally I called her out on it. I told her I was done trying and being the back up friend. It sucks and it may be a move some would call dramatic. But honestly, I feel like this huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Anyway, that's all I've got for you this week. Next week Carson and I are going to go get our marriage license. So I will post then. LOVE YALL!